i left my house yesterday and turned down eldridge, and then turned left at louetta, and when i ended up back at grant i was like “whoa what the fuck”. i was totally mindfucked. i realized then i had no idea where i was going, or how to get to target. i had to settle going to the walmart on spring cypress, which totally wasn’t the same. i felt really dirty.
i should probably smoke less weed. or more weed. i can’t really decide.
but I feel kinda funny. i don’t know how to explain it. i’m not sad, certainly not happy, but somewhat content. slightly satisfied. a sleepy puppy. i just got done telling April goodbye, because she leaves for greece for two weeks tomorrow morning. it’s kinda sad, idk what i’m going to do for the next 14 days. and that’s probably why i feel so funny even though today was a good day. but it should be really fun for her, and ya know, life goes on. it’ll fly by. but today was a long day. i went back to campus for the first time since i left, and it was strange because it was such a beautiful fucking day and no one was there. except old people, and Yuval, because he’s living on campus being a summer RA. but his room was pretty dope. i missed my advisor meeting. it’s not that big of a deal, i’ll just schedule a new one. it just kinda sucks because i haven’t talked with anyone about my degree plan since freshman orientation. idk if i’m on schedule to graduate on time. i think i am, but you know i could be missing a gaping chunk of required criteria that’s going to come back and bite me in the ass in a year or two. i ate a kobe burger at brasil, shit was really fucking good. and i finally bought my summerfest ticket. and probably most importantly attended my first astros game this season. we lost to the dodgers, but it was a real fun game. minute maid park is probably where i feel happiest. going to baseball games is literally my most favorite thing in the world, i just forget about everything and can get lost in the game/baseball related activities/friends i’m with/having a good time. for 10 bucks you can’t beat it. i don’t care how shitty the astros are, i’ll always go out and support my team and have a good ass time. i need to start going to more games. i think it’ll be good for me. also walking outside minute maid singing “I AM A REAL AMERICAN” with matt was lotsa fun. i fucking love the stars and stripes and our goddamn country, and baseball and everything it means. U-S-A.
but i forgot how much i love just driving around cypress at night, going to places i’ve always gone. it was really nice just driving down 1960/grant with April, listening to music. i just need someone in my passenger seat, a 44oz suicide from exxon, and the road. and cigarettes. i even went to the bathroom behind the old blockbuster that isn’t there anymore on grant and jones, by april k’s old house, like i used to late at night with nick. it wasn’t the same. but i needed to go and nothing was open and i really had no other option. i’m real sleepy now, i open at work tomorrow morning. white lies are playing at fitz tomorrow, i’m still debating if i wanna go. we’ll see how i feel after working i guess. but yeah, i didn’t even have to use my ak (today was a good day).
i remember when 6 beers made me kinda drunk. now all they do is make me kinda mad
fuck man, my life is depressing right now. cypress, how i missed you. just fucking kidding, it’s the biggest drag. i’m just gonna listen to wavves all night and hope 9:00am comes fast so i can shower and go to work.
kinda wish i had someone to talk to. maybe. they’d have to be a loser like me, so we’d have something in common.
ACL 2011 Lineup made my day instantly so much better
So stoked to see:
Stevie fucking Wonder, Arcade Fire, Kanye West, Coldplay, My Morning Jacket, Cee Lo, Fleet Foxes, Bright Eyes, Empire Of The Sun, Cut Copy, Santigold, TV on the Radio, Skrillex(even though i can’t stand dubstep, i feel proud that i called this weeks ago), Big Boi, Randy Newman, Iron & Wine, Ray LaMontagne, Ryan Bingham, Broken Social Scene, Chromeo, Death From Above 1979, Cold War Kids, Elbow, Fitz and the Tantrums, Delta Spirit, The Walkmen, Foster the People, Smith Westerns, Chiddy Bang, James Blake, City and Colour, Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr., TWIN SHADOW, The Vaccines, and so much more than I’m probably overlooking because I’m so fucking excited. September please come fast.
And it’s weird. I was really burnt out of everything the last couple weeks of college and living on campus. but it’s summer and now that this part of my life is over, the dorm part, i fucking miss it. It’s so pure, and something I’m scared I’m not gonna get back. I don’t think I’ll ever have that much freedom with so little responsibility again, it really doesn’t get any better than dorm life. Except when you’re so fucking tired of cafeteria food, you see the same people every single day, and the walls of your room seem so small. You don’t like it then, but as soon as you’re away from it, you long for all that gross shit. I miss the clutter. The small space and no room. How dirty everything was. How comfy my bed felt in the afternoon during a nap. How you can hear everything going on in the room to your left and right, and constant doors slamming through all hours of the morning and night. I miss Solomon and Drab scraping their foot on the vent on my door, which sounds so scary, especially when you’re sleeping. But mostly I miss knowing where my friends are. I used to know right where they were, they’re right down the hall, and I can walk a few feet and pound on their door and or scrape my foot on their vent and they can hang out or talk or go outside or come over and play Black Ops. It’s weird not having them around. It’s quiet. It’s cleaner. But I miss everything cause they’re my friends, and as corny and gay as it sounds, we’re a family-a big happy fucked up family that says they hate each other more than they say they love each other, but it’s because no one needs to say it cause we all know it, that deep down we love each other and care about each other more than anyone else in this world. It just goes without saying, so instead we call each other fags and say mean stuff all the time. But we all know we’re each other’s best friends, and I think everyone is scared and sad. I think that’s why I was in a bad mood towards them and everyone else in the pass few weeks. I was stressed with everything going on in my life, and I was sad I had to leave them. I’m still fucking sad I’m leaving them. I just showed it by being moody and mean and getting drunk. But earlier today around 11 when Solomon was the first leave and go home, we all kinda stopped at the base of the stairs and gave each other a group hug like a bunch of fucking dumb girls and said bye to our friend . We all knew the dream and fun time was over, and we were all leaving the people we’ve felt most close to.
It’s the little things I’m going to miss. Bike rides. Sitting and talking outside, about nothing, laughing, for no reason. Smoking cigarettes on the steps late at night, not doing homework together. Going to class together, taking polisci quizes together, eating together. Drinking together, playing music together, listening to records loud as fuck, yelling at the dumb girl who lived across the hall. Every day this year we all did literally everything together, and it’s weird to think it’s not happening anymore. Little shit in particular keeps coming back and making me sad, just memories of us sitting, or how we talk, or something funny someone did or said. One Tuesday in particular I got out of class at 4, and was feeling so shitty, so me and Solomon drank a Four Loko and just laid in the grass outside the quads and didn’t worry about anything and just talked. It turned out to be probably my favorite day of that year.
I just hope everything works out and we can all live together again, real soon. And I hope we all stay real good mandude friends. Cause they’re all I fucking got.
That was a lot fucking harder to write than I anticipated. Summer is already shitty, just cause I’m so sad.